Journal Series #1

Journal Series #1

Do you journal? I try to always keep with me something to write in for whenever I see or hear something interesting to me. If I experienced something that makes me laugh out loud. A random stray thought for a possible short story or just something I want to keep, an amusing voice that emerged from my internal monologue. Usually along the lines of what makes me laugh because aren’t those the things that make for the best memories?

A typical diary entry for me looks like this

I don't sneeze as loud as I used to. Still pretty loud though.
I don’t sneeze as loud as I used to. Still pretty loud though. Room to grow, room to grow.

Maybe think about giving it a go.* It’s a new week, why not? No pressure or anything, but you may find it interesting to have a look over the kind of things that catch your attention. Are they mostly positive or negative? Keeping a journal has been really helpful for me as a tool to practice mindfulness. You don’t need to be on best behaviour, just be natural! You don’t need to be cool.

What does ‘be cool’ even mean? I wouldn’t know.

Your scribblings are private, unless you post it on the internets like what I just did here, so you can feel completely safe about voicing and taking ownership of what is going on inside your mind. Observe your thoughts, without judgement, and just practise being a witness. This is step one in approaching stillness and calmness. These journals you keep become a crucible for your thoughts. And then eventually you can start to observe, whether or not, your insides match your outsides.

Journals don’t need to be extensive insightful works of art. This is where I lost focus and used to give up the exercise after a few days. The idea of having to produce fantastically clever essays in tidy journals used to put me off because I essentially gave myself performance anxiety. I was getting all angsty about making the leap from my 9 year old self who wrote things like “Today I had school. It was nice.” to Homer and writing the sequel to Odyssey. The pressure was just TOO MUCH and I was getting self-conscious with myself. I would look back on what I wrote a few weeks back and groannnJust don’t get too worked up the way I did, like most things, getting to know your internal voice takes some getting used to. Practice kindness! Be kind to yourself! Don’t get too serious about it!

(Now I remind me of my neighbour. Yelling words of kind encouragement. You KNOW I mean well.)

You might be able to tell sometimes my internal voice does not take me seriously at all. Sometimes meaning most times.

Oh! Speaking of exciting, something else I did today besides sneeze loudly: I learnt how to really, really get the tarnish off my silver jewellery really, really quick and easy. Because who has time to sit there really, REALLY polishing silver like an extra on Downton Abbey? Not us.

The results are very satisfying. I don’t mean to sound like an infommercialinfomercialinformercial, informmercialI GIVE UP, infommercial. If you’re interested, I’ll be posting the how-to up in the next few days. I’m heading next door to say hello to my neighbour.

My spell check insists that ‘infommercial’ should be spelt ‘informercial’ or ‘infomercial’. Mmm, I don’t know, you guys. I’m experiencing that face a person makes when a word looks wrong even when spell check says otherwise. Help me out?

*Hmm, realised after posting that the rules of grammar would suggest I meant sneezing loudly and then hiding. And then I found the idea that I suggest people sneeze loudly very funny indeed so not bothering. Can we pretend I was using a witty writing device?

Audio

This Song goes out to You.

In anticipation of tonight’s Mardi Gras parade and finding out what the anthem will be this year, here is an anthem of another sort that I adore. 

 Ego. With a capital E.

To my Ego, my Pride and my Hubris. I hope you like this song. I release you happily. Thanks for everything, you can go now, and take my Fear with you.

Without you, I am free now to create.

(Note: This used to be a link to an awesome remix on Soundcloud, but since then that link has changed. Until I find it again here is the original version which is still awesome.)

My favourite lines:

I held you in high regard, you were an answer from God.

Not anymore.

When I used to love youuuuuuuuuuuu. There was nothing that I wouldn’t do.

You’re all take and no give as the expression goes.

But I’m tired of living this life. It’s getting harder to justify. I realise I just don’t love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Not like I used to.

The numbers just don’t quite add up.

I can’t afford you.

You’re just in the way. You don’t help me, you harm me. What’s the value of holding onto you and putting you first? Zero. Nil. Nada.

The most upbeat breakup anthem I ever loved. And shouldn’t these type of tunes always be anthems? We’re picking freedom from a toxic love, and that’s no kind of love at all.

LYRICS:

Maybe, it’s me, maybe i bore you
No no, it’s my fault, cause i can’t afford u
Maybe baby, Puffy, Jay z
Would all be better for you
Cause all I can do is love you

Baby when I used to love you
(There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do)
I went through the fire for you,
Did anything you asked me to
But I’m tired of living this lie
It’s getting harder to justify
I realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to

HaLa ala la
HAla ala la

Maybe, I should rob somebody
So we could, live like Whitney and Bobby
It’s probably my fault, my bad, my loss
But you are, above cost
Cause all I could do was love you

Baby when I used to love you,
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do
I went through the fire for you,
Did anything you asked me to.
But I’m tired of living this lie.
It’s getting harder to justify,
I realized that I just don’t love you
Not like I used to.

Hala hala hala
Hala hola hola

Do you remember when I used to love you (I used to love you)
Baby no, not any more, love you (but I don’t love you)
Ooohhhh, I love you (I used to love you)
And you’re gonna miss me now

Baby when I used to love you
There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do,
I went through the fire for you,
But I’m not gonna play the fool
No I can’t live this lie, and I can’t justify,
And I can’t make up my life
Cause I don’t love you
Not like I used to do
Not like I used to do
Not like I used to do

Hola holla holla
Holla holla holla

(I used to love you)
(I used to love you)
(I used to love you)

I bet you miss me now
Cause I don’t love you

When I let go and release what is no longer serving me, I make space for something better. Choose Love. What’s your fave anthem? And what are you releasing?