I gotta tell you… someone has been trying to bother me. Just between you and me in the privacy of my home and ahem also here… it was not a pleasant experience for me to say the least mainly because it was out of the blue. Quelle surprise!
However, I took the time to reflect on how I wanted to respond outwardly and I decided that my response will be nothing. Message not received. I told myself no I won’t be angry, I’m not drinking this cup of poison over the behaviour of someone else.
I was pretty peeved though… and boy is it tempting to throw down!
You know what I find hard to comprehend and maybe it’s not understandable is how someone could form this type of mal intention to inflict pain and suffering on someone else. Someone that they don’t know and never met. I don’t expect people to just wish me blessings all day long but WHO goes out of their way to try to victimise someone and ruin their peace?! Just bizarre…
WHO do they think they are? And WHO did they think I am?
Various memes floating around on the internet with this theme as you can see.
I love memes so much…
Let’s try to be classy about things before I get carried away! If not classy, then just make good choices!
Don’t throw down Dom…
In an overly simplistic explanation, my mum has a technique of checking feelings. Who does this belong to? Yours? No, not yours. Sometimes she will say yes it is yours. She does it in a flash.
I slept badly anyway after my experience and had a terrible dream. In it I was defending myself but I woke up shaken. It was as if I was under psychic attack. How so? Well, was I feeling at peace? Well, no, I was obviously bothering myself by holding on to thoughts instead of letting them pass me by. This is no longer about that person, this is about my reaction. What is my reaction? I said I won’t react but my mind is chattering away. There is a disconnection going on here.
So again I made an effort to distance myself not just by refraining to respond but to really not receive the message. I choose peace.
Mine? No, not mine.
Return to sender.
May I be conscious.
May you be conscious.
May we all be conscious.
Here is a Zen story I came across a long time ago.
There once lived a great warrior. Though quite old, he still was able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended far and wide throughout the land and many students gathered to study under him.
One day an infamous young warrior arrived at the village. He was determined to be the first man to defeat the great master. Along with his strength, he had an uncanny ability to spot and exploit any weakness in an opponent. He would wait for his opponent to make the first move, thus revealing a weakness, and then would strike with merciless force and lightning speed. No one had ever lasted with him in a match beyond the first move.
Much against the advice of his concerned students, the old master gladly accepted the young warrior's challenge. As the two squared off for battle, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. He threw dirt and spit in his face. For hours he verbally assaulted him with every curse and insult known to mankind. But the old warrior merely stood there motionless and calm. Finally, the young warrior exhausted himself. Knowing he was defeated, he left feeling shamed.
Somewhat disappointed that he did not fight the insolent youth, the students gathered around the old master and questioned him. "How could you endure such an indignity? How did you drive him away?"
"If someone comes to give you a gift and you do not receive it," the master replied, "to whom does the gift belong?"
John Suler’s Zen Stories to Tell Your Neighbours.
I may not be the great warrior but I can do my best to remain calm and immoveable under pressure.
*Just a word now about bullying and being bullied. It’s unacceptable behaviour and is usually never about the person targeted. In a lot of instances we can choose to remain calm and continue to live our lives peacefully and that’s all that needs to be done. You may or may not want to also inform this person that oi, you need to wake up, cut that behaviour out and pull yourself together and have some dignity ffs. Every situation is different. IF YOU ARE IN DANGER YOU NEED TO CONTACT AUTHORITIES, YOU NEED TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT IS HAPPENING AND YOU NEED TO MOVE YOURSELF TO A PLACE OF SAFETY.
Edit: it is now TWO WEEKS LATER AHHH but let me just post this and you can tell me has January flown past you as well having fun or is it dragging along for you.
To be perfectly frank, I have been STRUGGLING to wake up at my usual 5.30 or 6 am time. More amazingly my alarm clock i.e. my 5 year old has not been waking me!
Not newsworthy for some but everyday is a slow news day in this household thank goodness hehe.
But with waking up late at 8 or 9 has left me without the extra hour in the morning I usually rely on. It makes a difference for me even if it is a weekend. I have been meaning to finish up designing a few things (including a calendar) and without those morning hours I have struggled. And in a chicken and the egg kind of story I felt like I could not plan out things I wanted to work on in January (it’s almost a third of the way through the month) and January is just flashing past. You would think it would wait for me but nope hehe.
This morning in an astounding (I told you this is a slow news household) turn of events, we are up at 7. Oh my goshness, what a thrill. Made coffees for Mum and I, brought it over to her she was in the middle of a web meditation event (I didn’t realise she was so quiet, understandably as she was meditating), prepared food for little one in case it felt hungry (fruit salad left from yesterday and a babycino, took seconds) and got on with the calendar designing.
I’ve decided on a minimalist design, well, minimalist for me… featuring things I saw that stopped me in my tracks on my walks. There is a space on the side to record intentions for the month.
There is a moving version of it and the variations of light and colours was lovely. I’m looking forward to looking back at the end of the month where I got to with my intentions.
Sometimes I’ll be meditating or you know doing something super ascendant (you know I’m kidding right) and someone will rock over already talking to me.
“Oh, were you meditating (or insert some other high minded activity I might possibly be doing)?“
“Yes I was” spiritually patient tone (ha, not really)
“Oh… ok” reluctant tone
“No it’s alright what were you saying?“
“Ok just quickly then…” and insert important (to them) information.
I wonder if it was really that important.
And in that same way I am rocking up to just quickly tell you just quickly that I will upload another yoga tip video sometime later today, or tomorrow, but maybe today.
Now you can wonder was this really that important.
It’s weird, over time, a lot of time, the less I minded those “just quickly” interruptions the less they happened?
Whilst teaching yesterday a student asked me “did you do yoga on the weekend?” and as a matter of fact I did. But with multiple interruptions so a 45 minute session ended up taking 2 and a bit hours because someone wanted breakfast, then someone was hungry again and wanted lunch, and also I had to help someone open a water bottle also where was that book they were reading and I did not even mind.
So maybe the interruptions do continue but I just don’t mind as much. Is this… ascension?!
Sometimes it feels like the more I try to do “quickly” “out of the way” and then I can go do my morning routine the less I get done or at least not without a great deal of struggle. Face palms away!
If I just say you know, I’m going to go do my morning routine first and then everything else I feel much better, things get done very smoothly and well indeed and I don’t find myself wondering where did all the day gone and how did nothing get done at all?
Some snippets from the past few days and this morning.
Many years ago (many? errr it was long enough!), I accompanied some of the people I knew to a photo shoot for a book on yoga.
They needed some photos for back bends and asked me if I could do the modelling. I said sure! I thought I had a flexible back, (cue narrator voice, “she did not have that flexible a back“) no worries, what do you need. I thought I was helping. Helping who?
Can you guess how this ends?
I got into wheel pose, fresh, not very warmed up as practice was already a few hours ago. All fine, do this do that, ok we got the pictures. Man did I feel twingey that night! And I never had back problems so it was pretty alarming.
Pride comes before a fall but also before a backbend before you are properly warmed up. A little wordy but it gets the message across.
To this day, I don’t even know if the book ended up getting published and if the photos were really used.
I’ve learned since that jumping to attention and trying to people please is not the wisest move. You can pause and work up to it.
In my last two posts (here, here) I have been writing about my recent adoption of 气功 practice and I mentioned a video which was available, and then unavailable, now it is available again. Below is the updated link for the video.
I know I am not the only mother who tussles with the notion that she is not as calm as she would like to be. Frustrations arise and sleep is hard to come by. So are a few minutes alone to shower let alone meditate on our mental state. Meditate?! When? When there is laundry to put away or when our children need to be fed or when when when. Meanwhile it feels like the world keeps spinning for everyone else, off they go to the gym or to the shops or for a poo. Lucky.
Envy. Worry. Anger. It’s a yuck feeling to have come over you. And it hurts if you have always felt you are a naturally positive and strong person. Suddenly you feel weak and quite low. A few months ago I bought a book called Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali. I don’t have a lot of time to read it in one sitting but I keep it nearby and when The Child is happy to we dip into it and have a ponder together. I read a little more when TC sleeps.
(by the way I am not sponsored and anyway I bought my copy off Booktopia for the Qantas FF points)
More than anything I am searching for a way to navigate evolving into a Mother whilst still maintaining everything else that I am and can be. At the same time I want to be PRESENT, and here for my child. I discover every night how important it is to be present with my child. We have a more loving, peaceful and happy evening if the day was spent in a calm manner than not. Duh. On days I look at a page or two I seem to be able to maintain a sense of insight over my feelings and practice some semblance of mindfulness.
So what is a good meditator? The one who meditates.” – Allan Lokos
Just start! Even one minute of meditation is better than nothing. If even one minute seems like forever start slow, try counting to ten, next time to twenty, slowly increasing the time you spend in meditation. You are a good meditator the moment you start to meditate!
B and I started a 40 day practice this month. Usually we have our own activities we like to do in order to feel good: mine would be yoga, Pilates, watching old TV shows, and his would be basketball (REAL and XBOX). This month we decided that the New Moon would be the perfect time to start a shared daily practice for 40 days to boost our energy and spirit levels.
We are STILL doing our favourite activities, naturally!
Everyday we practice a set sequence of yoga postures, followed by mantra meditation and we drink a green drink that I labelled our ‘Elixir’. This last part is major because B has never been on board with drinking anything green although I feel like that’s being very picky since he is slightly colour blind anyway? For all he knows it could be pink? SUDDENLY he can tell it’s green. I mean.
Anyway.
The mantra we chant is personal to each of us but I’ll share mine with you below. We chant out loud and with confidence, 11 times and then we sit quietly and let things marinate.
Somedays we do our practice in the evening like last night when we came home from a wedding party. We showered, changed and stepped on our mats. Then we had our green drink. We slept like babies even with both of us recovering from the flu.
It feels wonderful!
To go along with our 40 day practice we also cut out coffee. I typically drink a lot of coffee, alarming amounts even, but I’ve never had any issue with stopping. I never even get headaches if I go without coffee but it’s that comfort factor that I like. I love comfort! So when I want a warm drink I’ll make myself a Coconut Maca drink. I’m having one righttttttt now.
I’m very lucky I’ve never enjoyed soft drinks and I drink a lot of room temperature water. Even warm water in a mug can be comforting. I make a ritual out of heating the water up, choosing a favourite mug (B and I both like to hog the same mugs) and then enjoying the steam puff up. It’s all about the ritual and process! Aren’t humans funny?
We started out as a very small community of just two, but in just over a week a few of our friends have started to join in. One of my girlfriends asked for a shopping list so she could run out and grab all the ingredients for the ‘elixir’ the very next morning.
Which is great! The more the merrier, and slowly little by little we generate more good vibes. If you would like to join us (we’d love to have you!) feel free to come up with your own mantra, or use mine:
B goes through these phases of having a current word that he loves to use. His current one is ’empower’. Not a bad one to have. He uses it in a work context, empowering this associate, that manager, this director, etc.
We all know that I love myself some weheartit action. Whaddya know, there is an inspiration gallery on weheartit called ‘Empowerment’! Hello, this is Synchronicity calling. Oh, it’s for us! So, this gallery on weheartit is girl-power focused but there’s some stuff in there to support all genders as well. The images that caught my eye the most were the ones that remind me that girls need to support other girls. You know the ones:
One of my favourite comedians is Dylan Moran and he made an observation about women in one of his standups saying we will never have the rights we keep demanding because we keep bitching about each other. You could hear the sucked in breath of the audience, the outright guffaws of everyone, all the head nodding and people going, “Haha! So true!”.
I laughed too but on the inside, I was all, “Dammit, Team!”
A very good friend of mine once told me something when I expressed hurt feelings after discovering that someone I thought of as a very close friend had been talking about me behind my back. He said, “Dom, one of these days you’ll learn that not everyone likes everyone and not everyone will like you.”
Stranger things, hey. What are you gunna do.
Stranger things, hey. What are you gunna do.
I was like “Waaaaaaahhhh I don’t wanna learn” (The sound of me experiencing history repeating.)
Flashback to trying to introduce my different best friends in junior school to each other which felt like walking face on into a brick wall. Very painful. They all hated each other. For no reason that I could see. I liked them, we seemed to like similar things hence the bff-ness, so why didn’t they like each other? At least one of them explicitly stated, “If she’s coming, I’m not coming.” Tea parties and movie outings got very tricky.
My squads were more like Noah’s ark passengers and only came in sets of two. No chance of starting a girl band which is a shame because one of my bffs and I had this great dance routine down ahahahaha cue my #squadgoals gallery.
It was actually a killer routine, ok.
It was actually a killer routine, ok.
“This could have been us but you hatin’.“
No, I’m not bffs anymore with those girls.
Another odd thing that I observed over time was the refusal of women to accept each other.
Have you ever heard someone say, “Yes but she’s ugly.” as a means to downplay that person’s competence or worth? Or if someone is being praised for an accomplishment, another person says, “Too bad she’s fat.” Or about someone who has the figure of someone who works out alot, “She’s probably bulimic.” Or about someone who is beautifully dressed, “She’s a bimbo.” Or about someone who is just generally a lovely person, well off, doing well in her chosen field, beautiful inside and out, you might hear, “But she’s still single hey.”
?!
That’s super unchill and way harsh.
This hating thing seems to be something that has really picked up over the last couple of years. I’ve been the subject of some hate too: I have been fat-shamed AND thin-shamed, but then hello, who hasn’t had a little shade thrown at them by this point? There’s so much of it to go around.
Seriously, how much are we loving these images?! And also are those some kind of donut?
I don’t know if it has always been this way and I can’t speak to what guys talk about amongst themselves because I’m not a guy. But it feels horrible to me. This should not be the norm. Where have the compliments gone? I’m not interested in lip service and saying nice things that we don’t mean. But the more I see this sort of behaviour — and I know other people must be seeing this hence all the “Women empower each other” inspiration images — the more I think there seems to be this mindset that there is only a limited amount of beauty, brains, health, wealth, best friends, compliments, success, and other great things and it’s every woman for herself. We need to clear this misunderstanding up. There may be underlying issues like a feeling of lack (self-esteem, worth, value) and we need to deal with that too. Not that having issues is an excuse. We may not even be aware of any underlying issues. Although what kind of perfectly happy issue-free person walks around espousing hate? Happy people don’t kill people as Elle Woods puts it.
Hey girl, what lies beneath?
Dunno, but that won’t stop me from hating on other people.
And “she started it” is definitely not a valid reason, either.
The idea that a person may be deeply unhappy without even knowing suggests a general lack of awareness or cloudiness of mind. One of the Yoga Sutras talks about how to attain clarity of mind. It says, “Clarity of mind is produced by meditating on friendliness towards the happy, compassion toward the miserable, joy toward the virtuous, and indifference toward the wicked.” [1.33]
I think of this as one of several keys to ultimate freedom.
What better freedom can there be than to have total peace of mind? To not experience jealousy when one witnesses the success of another but to feel happy? Rather than tearing each other down and belittling the hard work of another we can feel inspired to do more and be more. No, we don’t need to do the old “Girls rule, boys suck” chant either. There is no need for us to put down another gender to feel better about our own. We don’t need to belittle someone else’s life to feel better about our own. True strength doesn’t depend on highlighting the weaknesses of others and we need to be stronger.
True strength NOT brute strength.
All of us are in this together and we have our own challenges to get through. My approach? Well, basically:
For those of us who have been bullied and pushed around: hey, you need to know that you’re a valuable person.
For those of us who have not made the best choice, let’s stop being so shady. I think kindness is a nicer shade on you.
So, if we really want world peace and universal love, let’s give ourselves permission to show each other kindness and find some peace. There are really important things happening out there, tearing each other down simply cannot be the way forward. This behaviour has become a bad habit but habits can be unlearned. It’s never too late to learn new tricks and bring about change. Change your thoughts, change your life.
Many years ago (many? errr it was long enough!), I accompanied some of the people I knew to a photo shoot for a book on yoga.
Our Zenaissance 